This is a long post.

Hi.

Yesterday was not awesome. I had to go through a module something related to Kenegaraan & One Malaysia from 8.30 am to 5.30pm! Not to mention me & my group members also need to sing a song titled Warisan which was sing by Arwah Sudirman.But luckily the facilitator is a young beautiful woman who is a lecturer from Office Management Faculty. She used to work with Singapore Airlines which made me think she might used to work as a stewardess. Oh and she is not married! She has an Iphone..okay I talk about her too much I guess.

Alright. Moving on to the next chapter. I don't really know how to start this, but I have to come clean about this since I have a few friends asking me to make a move to have a girlfriend. I know its a boring question, I mean I already mention about this thing many times before, like "doesn't mean I don't have a girlfriend I'm...bla bla bla.." ( its like me completing a slogan). But then while I was driving, I was thinking about this then I found out that actually the main problem that I have is I'm afraid to make a move to be with someone. I'm afraid to open myself to others and I have this kind of walls around me so that I will always be on my safe side.

I'm not arrogant neither a guy who feel that I'm better than anyone else. The walls that I have around me was built without my conscious, & I only realized it yesterday. So today I'll make this thing clear, my main purpose to write this sort of explanation is not to make the world to know, but it is for me. I want to figure this out. I want to confront myself so that I know the truth what was happening to me..and my little heart.

My love life experience was not a good one that most people has. The last relationship I have with a girl is when I was in Form 4 which is I don't know how many years back, I don't really feel to count that number for now. That monkey love in high school, doesn't mean anything for me. It should not be included in the resume of love since for me, I was just playing around. The feeling was not real & I did it just because all of my friends has one so it was just like I'm following the trend. Thats the truth. Okay it sounds like I was a jerk but at the time I was only 16, where it was the time where boys & girls just about to get to know things around.You know that kind of stuff. I fall for someone else then 2 years after but she was belong to someone else. Thats it.

I accept the fact that I have no luck in this field of relationship, I accept the fact that girls can only accept me as friends+best friends, and I also accept the fact that I'm a person who is not easy to fall for someone. I'm not choosy but guys, I believe real love comes from your heart, without you push it or make it, it comes out of nowhere and just..boom! You're in love. You don't go out there, watch people around see whether she made the cut then go grab her tell her you want her, no for me, it don't happen that way. Of course all of us have certain criteria for a girl to be our girlfriend but then, sometimes it doesn't matter because when you're in love you don't have the explanation to that. "I love you because..."(complete this slogan without exceeding 20 words). No.

When you love someone, you just love. You feel comfortable to be you when you're with her. You never stop smiling in everything you do with her, texting, walking and when you see her you're so happy that you want to jump whatever, I don't know, but I know that kind of happy feels like it doesn't have limits, so happy, like you don't have anything else to bother you. Yes I know what it feels like when in love, doesn't mean I don't have a girlfriend I never experience it.

Okay. So I mention to you just now I'm afraid to make a move. Yes. I'm afraid of being hurt, being rejected, and because I'm a shy person when it comes to this. I'll be talkative one after you know me better which is when I do feel comfortable with you & I think all  of my friends already know about this. At first I was a very quiet one dgn clumsynya but then some time after that, you'll be tired to hear me talk. Haha. Yes, "there's a safe around my heart.. I don't know how to let you in, & thats what keep us apart..." Tiba-tiba nak menyanyi lagu Travis McCoy kat sini. First maybe because I have lots of weaknesses. I mean come on, I'm small, I cannot lift heavy weights, I don't like sports, I don't watch football like the other normal guys do. I tried to like football before but then I cannot force myself to like something because at the end, I feel like I'm pretending & I hate pretending to like something that I don't like. As long as I'm not gay, its doesn't matter for me.

Oops, I already told you some of my little secret, & if you can still like me to be your boyfriend or your future husband, you can drop your number and we will see what we can be next. Haha. No lah, so because of these weaknesses that I have, I think its time for me to realize that I might be good as your friend, but I don't think I might gonna be your dream husband, who can be a superman protecting you from the enemies, I'll protect you of course because I'm still the man, but then I might be beaten then I die then the gangsters will go after you. Hah mcm mana? Takot tak? But we can just call the police, am I right? hmm. -.-"

So thats why I'm still a single Ted Mosby (except that he much cuter than me as girls said, obviously). I can plan how am I gonna propose to my future wife, how my wedding is gonna be, how many kids that I want, what am I gonna do to celebrate our anniversary, how we gonna educate our kids, what we're gonna do on Sunday morning, etc but then, my imagination will never be complete and be true since that important position in my family organisation chart still not be fill in yet.

I just don't know, but until then, I want to focus in everything that I do right now, I want to learn and I know that all of us can never be like really really perfect, but since I still have my time, why don't I just prepare myself so that maybe someday, God willing, if there is someone out there for me who willing to spend the rest of her life with me, then I'll might stand the chance to be her Mr Perfect.

Have a great weekend. Bye.