Stay up too late and I'm too thin.

Hi.

I'm not a good writer. So I don't know how to make an interesting start for every post here. But that's not important anyway. It's not like I'm writing a book to be sold.

Honestly, I love weddings. I like it more when there's white roses along the entrance, white big wedding cake in the middle, and while people still eating they played sorts of sweet songs...

I love it when everything is in creamy white color.

But what I love the most is the fact that wedding is the beginning of a new journey. Where both persons knew what they want from each other, they knew the both of them will be able to give each other happiness, for better or for worst, and will be able to give them love until the end of the life. When you know, you know. You just know. That's what they always said.

I went to many weddings this holidays. Including my classmate's wedding(the one when I was a little,who once upon a time used to ride a bicycle accompanied me every time I went back from school). She was among the pretty ones, and still she is pretty.no sorry, a beautiful woman. I watched her with her husband walking there together holding hands with the big smile on their face, and I can imagine the adrenaline rush inside of them. That happy face. The bride & groom happy face.

Oh no she's not my old crush. What I'm trying to deliver here is I can feel the happiness that she felt that day, it kinda like your first phase of happily ever after is completed, and now you gonna enter into phase two and next and next... It must be quite relieved when you ended up with someone that you love and loves you back. Congratulations to her, one of my best friends in secondary school.

You can imagine all sorts of things you wanted to imagine. I do that all night, every single day of my life before I fall asleep. No matter how tired I felt during that day, my mind never stop trying to imagine all the fairytale dreams. My own version of stories with my own version of happy endings. But the cool thing is that, before these both eyes close, it will came into a conclusion, about my earlier imagination of course. It said tawakal.

I never gave up of anything in my life, and there's always hope. Most of the time I felt like I'm a loser, but that doesn't mean I gave up on everything. I'm living a good life where there are families & friends in it, and no matter how hard things that I'm gonna get through, I'll be okay. Of course there are parts of me still missing & I have no worries (sometimes I worried, but that's normal). I believe there's still plenty of time and someday I'll solve my own puzzled.

Goodnight.

Bad Dream

Hi.

I had a really scary dream last night, & this dream that I had also taught me a lesson which I'm sure I'll remember it till' the end of my lives.

For your information, it is very rare since the day I was born if I didn't have a dream during my sleep. I don't know why and some of my friends thought maybe it is because of my higher power definition of imagination whatsoever, but whenever I sleep, memang confirm bermimpi.

Honestly, bila saya berada di dalam mimpi, I just realized that I can control the decision that I've made, although not all, but bila dalam mimpi tu, otak still berfikir sama mcm di luar mimpi or actual situation in the real world. Okay sounds mcm merepek sikit tapi its true, & most of the mimpi I took the chances to do what ever I like, ikut kata hati suka hati, haha because dalam sesetengah mimpi tu I knew already it is a mimpi, so yeah I woke up in the morning dgn muka tersenyum sorang-sorang sb I've got the chance to do something that I can't or might not have the chance to do it in the real world & I did it, in my dream.

Tapi mimpi semalam pelik:

So last night, bila mata terpejam & sedar saja dalam alam mimpi tu I was in this situation, my family and I pindah ke rumah baru & terus nak buat kenduri, weird thing is I didn't know apakah tujuan dibuat kenduri tu. Maybe just kenduri masuk rumah baru. Orang ramai dtg & saya berjalan ke hulu ke hilir tanpa tujuan .

Tiba-tiba org suruh saya bersiap,go to the front door layan tetamu sb org nak tgk my wife.Shit!. Saya tak tau sapa wife saya, so this kind of funny, saya lari dgn panik kat dpn rumah, ada org perempuan tgh duduk buat bulatan, tiba-tiba entah celah mana ada kwn saya dlm bulatan tu, so saya tnya dia.

"Wey sapa bini aku weh? Aku lupa muka dia aku tak tau no. fon dia." And sambil memegang my hp I tried to search her fon no. tp why la i'm so stupid, I didn't know who the hell she is so celah mana pulak ada no fon dia dlm my hp. My friend muka terkejut, "Hey bini sendiri xkan x kenai,awat la hg ni wey, sat aku bg no dia.."

Suddenly she appeared, lps tu dia tarik lengan saya (she is referring to my "wife") and then kitorg pegi bersembang dgn tetamu yg dtg kenduri. Gosh I was sooo...urgh dissapointed semua ada la. Otak blur gila & I looked at her so many times tapi still mcm.."kenapa aku kawin dgn dia ni? i don't like her, I never fall for this girl so how will I love her till the end of my life?!" And at the time I was soooo menyesal, people came "oh so this is your wife?" & saya terpaksa mengangguk-agguk dgn berat hati & rasa mcm nak lari, tp xbole, sb dia mcm tersenyum mcm bahagia gila, & saya tak mampu nak ckp "Wey aku x penah suka hg pun". Kejam sgt kan klu buat mcm tu?

After kenduri habis, kitorg masukkan beg2 baju dlm kereta kat tempat parking kat hotel & tempat parking tu dpn dia ada cafe, guess what, terjumpa one of my best friend Muya tgh lepak minum dgn bf dia, dia terkejut & dtg "Epul apa ko buat kat sini?!". Dgn sedihnya I introduced to her "My wife...". Diorg salam, lps tu Muya mntak no fon my wife tu, and Muya tgk muka saya dgn muka mcm ni "Biar betol ko ni kawin dgn dia?" Like I really have made a bad decision. I didn't have the chance to tell her the truth sb tak sampai hati my wife is there so I just said goodbye & definitely I will call Muya later to reveal everything.

Then the magic happen, my eyes terbukak and saya terus bgn & my hp still dalam genggaman tgn and ada msg from my pillow talk friend Jasmin Anis. This dream really freakin me out. Actually,before I fall asleep, I was thinking about people who make a deal with their best friend sort of or any person,if they both still single when they reach the age of something, maybe 30 or 40, diorg akan kawin dgn org yg diorg janji tu. Dlm How I Met Your Mother, Ted made a deal with Robin that they will marry each other if they both still single at the age of 40.

So I think, this dream just show me a lesson,that I should have never ever to do that because who knows, maybe your feelings towards he/she changed, or mcm terpaksa buat because you already promised them. haha whateverlah. tp penyesalan dia tu mak aiii. i was thinking that I just ruin my own life, & luckily it was only a dream. Alhamdulillah.